Facing the Fear of the next Chapter

Apologies for my lack of blog posts of late, I was juggling two jobs, adapting to the transition of my new one and saying teary goodbyes to my lovely work ladies. I’m getting used to not having to work until silly o’clock in the evening and instead getting up at silly o’clock in the morning instead.

My head is brimming full of new information, jargon and procedures to remember and making sure I don’t fall down three flights of stairs, while carrying files and a hot mug of tea. I’m enjoying the new challenges, meeting new and interesting people and of course, the novelty of getting my weekends back.

I always like to use the analogy of life being like a book and that’s why I always refer to different stages of your life as chapters. I don’t believe in your life being written out for you and I think your own decisions and choices ultimately affect what happens to you and where you end up. I’ve just turned the page on to the next chapter in my life, after being stuck on a somewhat dog-eared page for a while!

Chapters usually represent some sort of change and although change is the natural route to progression in life, change is something I sometimes struggle to deal with. Don’t get me wrong, if I hated it that much, I’d never go anywhere or do anything. I somewhat begrudgingly accept it because I know in the long run, it is what is best for me (note: I’m referring to change brought about by my own decisions, anything unexpected sends me into general meltdown) but I just have to go through the motions of coming to terms with it.

Ever since I was very young, I’ve struggled to deal with change straight away and in the process, probably drove my parents crazy. When I discovered I had to go to other two schools within the borough to take some of my classes for Sixth Form, I was a nervous, tearful, moody so and so because of the fear of a new situation. I made my way to my first English Literature class with a massive butterfly in my stomach because I didn’t know the school, the tutors or the other sixth formers.

Fear can be an effective tool for change but channel it positively

Fear can be effective for me though because the pressure I put myself under and the prospect of ‘what-if?‘ has inadvertently allowed me to do some of the most amazing things. So much so that afterwards I think, “Well that wasn’t so bad afterall!” and it’s the result of this, that from going to my English Literature class, I have the most awesome bunch of friends, who I spend the majority of my time with and obviously, couldn’t live without!

Similarly with university, after a day of registering and queuing up for library and IT services, losing my way around the campus and trying to get my head around my new timetable and being in a place, where I knew not a soul, I ended up bawling my eyes out on the phone to my mother like a complete baby.

I can’t do this,” I wailed, “I don’t know what I’m doing here, maybe I made a big mistake coming to uni.

My big ‘mistake’ ended up being the best three years of my life. Yes, it was hard work, tiring and a little frustrating at times but again as a result, I have a degree, the most amazing friends and  I got to see and do the most interesting things. Even the time, where I had to conduct a radio interview about a reptile show in the middle of a cold and wet Barnes, with a hangover from hell. Hilarious.

In a nutshell, what I’m trying to say is EMBRACE CHANGE, even if you’re unsure of it and even if it turns you into a quivering nervous wreck. And yes, if you’re wondering, I have been that said quivering nervous wreck over the last couple of weeks but you’ll be pleased to hear I am dealing with it! Take a few deep breaths, step back from the situation and rather than have fear of the unknown, replace it with curiosity and an eagerness to find out what will come next.

Afterall, how can you turn the page to the next chapter, if you keep re-reading the last one?

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One thought on “Facing the Fear of the next Chapter

  1. A very succinct and interesting blog darling could just hear you saying it we are two very proud grandparents xxx

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