In light of this week’s tube strikes, this blog post is for those of you who use TFL on a daily basis and understand the woes of being a commuter. Hopefully this will inject some laughter into your day…
You know you’re a commuter when:
1) You’ve heard “This train is being held at a red signal…” more times than you’ve had breakfast..
2) You’ve been on a rail replacement bus service more times than…see above.
3) You remember when a bus ride was a mere 40 pence and took your Free travel 16-18 Oyster card for granted…those were the days.
4) The total amount you spend on travel each year equates to the amount you’re trying to save for a deposit on a house *le sigh*
5) You’ve seen more fare increases than Britain has seen sun
6) With the amount you pay for travel, you wonder on a weekly basis why you still have to put up with delays, cramped carriages and engineering works
7) You can add Train-surfing with coffee and paper in hand to your list of skills on your CV
8) There’s always THAT one dude who insists that you move down inside the carriage…do you want me to sit on someone’s lap?!
9) You’ve either fallen into someone’s lap or had a fellow commuter fall into your own
10) Eye-contact and talking will be not tolerated, especially on the morning commute
11) You’ve become a natural contortionist and have your personal space invaded on a daily basis
12) You’ve leapt onto a tube carriage James Bond style, only to realise that you have five minutes before the doors close
13) You’ve leapt onto a tube carriage James Bond style, only to have your coat/arm/bag caught in the doors
14) You’ve experienced a fellow commuter doing both the above and have had to stifle a giggle at their expense
15) You’ve sent a tourist in the wrong direction, without realising until after they shuffle away. Whoops.
16) You despise the dreaded Suitcase Wankers and Lazy Cyclists, unless its you, in which case you plead for acceptance with your eyes
17) Dawdlers, people who stand on the left on escalators and those talking loudly on their phones will be met with the same contempt as a Suitcase Wanker
18) You’ve become immune to the pungent smells of BO and unbrushed teeth but glare at anyone eating an onion salad or eating full-stop.
19) In true British fashion, if a fellow commuter is talking loudly on the phone/playing their music too loud/taking up space with their ginormous back-pack they will be swiftly dealt with via the commonly used Death Stare
20) You know the exact spot in which to stand, where the doors will open for various stations and feel immensely smug about it
21) You hope that one day you will be mentioned in Rush Hour Crush or the Good Deed Feed
22) Falling asleep standing up and waking up just before your stop is another acquired skill
23) Note: All navigation/commuter skills go out the window when inebriated; you have no idea how you ended up in Shenfield and then have to endure TFL’s Night buses or a £25 cab home. Ouch.
24) You’re well acquainted with the ‘Darting Squirrel’ tactic; you sought out that seat first and it will be YOURS.
25) It’s every man for himself…literally.
Good luck one and all!