My last little post ‘You know you’re a Commuter when,’ went down pretty well with you all so I’d thought that in honour of my home country and the many misconceptions people have about it, I’d do another little list.
Slap your hand to your face every time you can relate to each point!
1. As soon as you say you’re from Essex, people yell: “Oh my god, shut uuuuuuup!” *Le Sigh*
2. People ask if you live near/have seen/met/ shared saliva with any of the TOWIE crew…urgh.
3. Because of the above reasons, you have resorted to saying that you’re from East Laaaaaandaaaan instead or as I call it, Lessex.
4. People ask you where your white stilettos are…pur-lease that was left in the 70s. Besides white shoes are in now, ya hear!
5. “Why are you so pale, don’t you use fake tan?” No, funny enough, I don’t want to go through the Dulux colour chart.
6. Explaining to people that you are actually 100% au-natural, no silicone for me thank you!
7. We’re not all hairdressers/models/TOWIE members/drug-dealers/wide-boys.
8. Yes, I have been to Sugar Hut, 195 and the Brick Yard but like the west-end, they’re a tourist trap. Essex is not the only way!
9. Yes, we really do refer to Basildon as Bas-Vegas.
10. No, we don’t all drive Mercs/BMWs/Mini Coopers.
11. Most of us live in terraced housing, not gated apartment estates.
12. There is more to Essex than just Brentwood, Chigwell and Loughton.
13. I have never been to Marbs and probably won’t ever.
14. Contrary to popular belief, the majority adhere to the main fashion ‘rules,’ legs OR boobs out, never both.
15. Saying “Oh, don’t worry she’s from Essex…” every time we come out with something silly will result in a punch in the face.
16. We don’t spend all of our weekends shopping in Lakeside, I spent three years of my life there, got far better things to do.
17. No, everyone in Essex doesn’t know each other (or sleep with each other) its a big county y’know! (1,300 square miles to be exact!)
18. We’re not all thick, some of us actually have more than 5 GCSEs.
19. Getting ready for a night out doesn’t take all day, it takes me an hour.
20. The majority of us do not own a silly little spoiled pet, that we’ve dyed pink. REALLY?!
21. The Essex lad exists but he doesn’t always come preened in a polo shirt (or a thong!)
22. It’s not all cat-fights and thrown drinks on a night out, daaaaarling.
23. We don’t all name our kids Chardonnay and Dave.
24. The Duck-pout usually is a result of far too much Botox.
25. If being Essex works in our favour, we will (admittedly) use it to our advantage…alriiiiiight.
I’m off daaaaan the pub for a glass orf Proseccooo, catcha laters babes!