Sorry it’s been a while but as you may or may not know, I had a week off in beautiful Spain but I thought that it’s time for another “You know you’re a…” blog post! Hooray! Thought I’d make this one a holiday themed one after my little break in the sun, so without further ado, you know you’re a Brit abroad when…
1) You complain that nobody else in the world knows how to queue. Us Brits are champions at it; lining up politely and waiting for your turn. You tut at anyone who even dares to cut in but lo and behold, everywhere else in the world is a free-for-all with every man for himself.
2) The paleness of your skin blinds everyone on the beach (except y’know if you’re from Essex) and then there are the slightly pinker Brits around you, who feel smug because they’re three days ahead of you.
3) Post-day one in the sun, you are a shining beacon of sunburn, sunstroke, dodgy tan lines and/or freckles but you’ll be damned if you’re gonna sit in the shade for the rest of the week.
4) That quaint little hotel you booked for a bargain online turns out to be a contender for ‘Holidays from Hell,’ you wish you’d looked it up on TripAdvisor before you went.
5) Similarly the phrase ‘Good distance from local amenities,’ turns out to be a 15 minute up-hill struggle everyday and 30 minutes after a few Sangrias.
6) Speaking of sangria, you discover that your ’10 pints record’ at home is halved because of European measures…chundering’ell.
7) The irony of coming down with a case of ‘Turkey-belly,’ after avoiding street market food and drinking bottled water, you forgot about the ice in your Mojito…oops.
8) Realising that ‘all inclusive’ means you have to compensate on the lack of a decent meal, palma violet flavoured ice-cream anyone?
9) By the end of the week, you’re ‘dying’ for a propa-British-cuppa!
10) Going topless on the beach is a no-go unless you’re French or German
11) Talking to waiters in LOUD pigeon-GCSE-French, only for them to answer you in English. Merde.
12) Packing your whole life in your suitcase and having to rearrange it at the airport because you’re over the luggage weight limit.
13) Despite rearranging said suitcase, dividing it between friends and ending up with half your shoes in your hand luggage, you’re still slapped with a luggage fine
14) Actually only wearing half of the stuff that you’ve packed, making the luggage fine sting even more so!
15) Stealing the miniature toiletries from your hotel room…EVERY TIME. They’re too cute but will result in an attractive leg rash later on. Ick.
16) When being searched at the airport, assuming that you’re going to end up in a Thai jail à la Bridget Jones
17) There’s always that ONE friend that says something inappropriate going through airport security/on the plane. You know what I mean…
18) Hiring a rental car and immediately regretting it when you realise that a) no one else abroad can drive and b) everyone’s driving at 90mph
19) You’re lost for the fifteen-thousandth time
20) When returning to the office, being asked “Have you actually been abroad?” a gazillion times. Le sigh.